Pieces So Broken
by Elenillor
Summary: Just after the murder of James and Lily, Remus tries to get closer from Sirius that won't come until 12 years later.


**A short note to Riku Rocks before you read this... I swear I didn't steal your idea; I've had this one written on notebook paper for a long time, and reading your version on it inspired me to type it up and post it.**

**Warnings: I suppose this is slightly AU, as rules are broken. But it's not completely implausible.**

* * *

Dumbledore and Remus sat facing each other in total silence. The tension was thick in the air, and Dumbledore felt that the only thing keeping his former student from lunging at him was the desk between them. Truth be told, he wanted Remus to lunge at him; to attack, or throw things, or even just yell. Just to react.

"Remus?" He said the name gently, as if he were just testing it. In a way, he was. The werewolf's unfocused eyes shifted and settled on him. Dumbledore only raised his eyebrows in a 'Well?' fashion.

Remus folded his hands in his lap. "What do you want me to say, Professor? That I knew it all along? That I'm glad you finally realized it wasn't me?"

"That you're angry at me for thinking it was you and doing nothing to stop Sirius, perhaps?"

Remus shook his head, his eyes trailing again to the window. Dumbledore sighed.

"You can't do this, Remus. I know that you feel like you have to keep yourself together, but you can't keep this inside you. The anger, and the pain… they will destroy you."

"I want to see him."

"You can't."

Remus turned cold eyes on the headmaster of Hogwarts. How dare he tell Remus no? The one thing he asked for, and Dumbledore was going to deny him it. "I need to see him."

"I understand that." Remus wanted to hurt the older wizard for being so calm and nonchalant about this, for pretending he understood any of what Remus was going through. Then again, maybe it was Moony that was giving him thoughts of ripping out Dumbledore's throat. They were violent thoughts, and Remus knew he would never in a million years act on them, but they scared him nonetheless.

"I understand that, but there's nothing I can do. Azkaban doesn't allow guests."

_But they allow innocent prisoners_? Remus thought, his heart breaking again, perhaps worse than it had just a couple nights ago when Sirius betrayed him again. He had to remind himself that all evidence pointed to the conclusion that Sirius was not innocent. "Have them make an exception."

"It's guarded by dementors. It doesn't work like that, Remus."

"Make it work like that!"

Dumbledore almost smiled, despite everything. Remus was starting to show emotion. Even if it was anger, it was good. It showed that this event hadn't broken him. Still, he didn't think letting Remus visit Sirius, even if he could arrange it, was a good idea. "I can't, Remus."

"You're Dumbledore! Go to the Ministry and ask for an exception! They'll do it for you!" The younger man, who had been forced to grow up very quickly in the last few days, was almost begging. Maybe this would break him after all. Dumbledore wanted to believe he was stronger than that, but again, Remus' entire past had slipped away from him.

* * *

Sirius was so cold, huddled in the corner of his bare cell, with a thin blanket wrapped around him. The chill was bone deep, and not caused by the air. Even in his tormented state, Sirius knew he was never going to be warm again. Not as long as he was here.

"Black, Sirius. Imprisoned for the murder of-"

"I know why he's here," a gentle, tired voice interrupted. Sirius' head snapped up. Remus! He barely moved, in case this was a dream. He didn't want to accidentally wake himself up.

Remus locked eyes with him, and for the first time Sirius could ever remember, he couldn't read his friend's expression. No, he corrected himself. Remus wasn't his friend, and never would be his friend. They were lovers, enemies at one point, maybe enemies now, but their relationship would never be so without passion of one kind or another that they could call it friendship.

"Can you give us a moment?" The man from the Ministry hesitated, then nodded and left, leaving strict instructions that the dementors were not to disturb them.

"Remus," Sirius breathed the name, getting to his feet and rushing to the bars, reaching his hand out past them to just touch the boy and make sure he was real; to feel him again.

Remus stepped just out of reach.

He refused to be crestfallen. Remus was here. That meant something. "I knew you wouldn't leave me, Rem. I knew you'd come for me."

"Why'd you do it, Sirius?"

The question floored Sirius, and his heart fell ten feet. So Remus did believe it was him. Well, why shouldn't he? "Oh, Merlin no, listen, Rem-"

"I just want to know why."

"I didn't do it. I-"

Remus shook his head, his hands clenched into fists inside his pockets. "At least have the decency not to lie to me right now, Sirius."

"It was Peter!" Sirius exclaimed, worried that maybe Remus wasn't going to let him explain.

"Peter's dead! You killed him!" He couldn't handle this. Maybe Dumbledore had been right, maybe he shouldn't have come. He wasn't going to get the closure out of this he should. "Along with James and Lily, and part of me!"

Sirius flinched at the last part, but he wasn't ready to give up hope that Remus would believe him. "No, the whole time, it was Peter. We switched Secret Keepers to Peter… we thought it was fool proof, and I am so sorry I ever thought it was you! James kept telling me and I just kept telling him no, that it couldn't be, that there had to be explanations for everything, and in the end, I believed them over you, and I am so sorry. Listen, Peter is still out there-"

"Stop it, Sirius," Remus said in a quiet voice that sounded almost deadly with its sorrow and anger. "All that's left of Peter is a finger. You did that. And if your dark lord hadn't had his plan backfire, Harry would be dead too. There… how's it feel knowing that you really failed in the end? Or does it make you happy how much I'm hurting because of it?"

"Harry's still alive? That's good. Oh, Merlin. You have to believe me, Rem, Pete's still out there."

Remus only shook his head, angry at himself for the tears he felt welling in his eyes. "How could you do this to us? To the Marauders, to the Order, to you and me? How am ever supposed to get through this without you?"

The last question came out in a choked whisper, and suddenly, Remus found that he couldn't stop. "I want to believe you. Maybe some part of me does. I want to believe that you didn't do this, but everything points to you. Everything! And I don't know how I'm supposed to keep doing this. I lost everyone that meant anything to me in one night, and the only person I can blame is you. Me. I should have seen it. I should have tried to stop you. Maybe you are the Black you always swore you weren't. But I can't spend the rest of my life thinking about you everyday, every minute, because everything I see reminds me of you. But the Sirius I loved wouldn't have killed James and Lily and Peter. And he wouldn't have left me so alone. And still, something tells me that you're still Sirius."

Sirius tried to say something. He tried to reiterate to Remus that he was innocent, and tried to explain what had really happened. He tried to tell Remus how much he loved him and how he never meant to hurt him this way. He tried to say that everything was going to be all right, but none of it came out the way he wanted. All he managed to say was "Remus, wait."

But Remus was gone, and the dementors flooded into the empty space he had left behind. Sirius expected to feel his worst memories coming to light as they stole his happy ones, but he didn't realize it was impossible. Remus abandoning him was his worst memory, and his own innocence was not a happy thought. They didn't have to do anything to achieve their desired effect; he was already living in hell.

Remus fell against the wall around the corner, pressing his palms into his eyes to stop the tears. "I will wait," he whispered. "And I hate you for that."


End file.
